We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
