Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
