Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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