I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
