He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
