I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
