come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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