remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
