Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
