you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
