I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am puke
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
