the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
