party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
