i love accidental penises.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
