I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
