Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
