Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
