Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
