i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
