we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
