Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
