one two three fourrrrnication!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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