remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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