I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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