Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
