honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
