$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
