UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
