I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to get me chipped asap
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
