For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
