is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
