Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
