I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
