my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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