my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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