That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
