WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
