he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
