there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
