I just saw a hot homeless man
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
