I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
