You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
