I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
