i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
