dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
