I think my vagina is haunted
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
