when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
