I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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