Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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