In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
FUCK WHALES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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